The Things We Do

Queens of the Stone Age- A Song for the Dead

Getting ahead of yourself. Nothing like it, especially on the internet, especially (x2) once you have to live up to the moment and retrieve your earlier ‘unkept’ promises. So, yes, The Fourth Official has betrayed you in saying that top fives would be published everyday. Nothing more, nothing less. Now he has to act upon it (and endure the unbearable guilt that comes along with deceiving his loyal readers). To make sure no more top fives will be omitted, here they are, all of them at once. For time’s sake, most of the paragraphs have been somewhat sacrificed for the ever-efficient non-sequitur sentences. It’s not as if the previews to the World Cup were as important as the event itself after all.

Note: Five is a very small number, and five omits many talented World Cup players to watch. These are not the most originally nor  expertly chosen, just a little amuse-bouche to pass the time before the World Cup starts.

Defenders

1.Giorgio Chiellini

       A long time favourite of your beloved writer, Giorgio will form Italy’s ‘Pinky and the Brain’ duo with the ageing Cannavaro. Although the man made of marble (ask Van Persie’s ankle) might not be present all along the tournament, his raging style of play along with his cyclopean aspect promises some beautiful defensive moments.

2.Lucio

     Lucio vs Cristiano Ronaldo, delicious.

3.Gerard Pique

     At home in 2006, on top of Europe in 2008, on top of the world in 2010?

4.Nemanja Vidic

     Another one of TFO’s personal favourites (it is said he like defenders…), Nemanja needs to represent with his rage and power, better for us.

5.Philipp Lahm

     We can’t wait to see him score his usual goal again.

Midfielders
1.Steven Pienaar

      No top five would be complete with South Africa’s biggest hope. In his homeland, 50 million people strong, the Everton player is bound to carry his team on his own shoulder. Quite possibly South Africa’s only five star player, you will hear all about him during the commercial breaks, and if the host country accomplish anything notable, we’ll see Zac Efron incarnate him in Clint Eastwood’s 2030 success story ‘In Memoriam’ (can’t wait).

2.Wesley Sneijder

     Left foot, right foot, it doesn’t matter.

3.Steven Gerrard

     They say that players who have a most disappointing season turn out great in a World Cup, so look no further, Gerrard is going destroy every midfield in South Africa.

4.Xavi

     Safe bet, beautiful passes and overlooked for the Ballon d’Or, as usual.

5.Bastian Schweinsteiger

      With Ballack’s injury, will Low replace him as a skipper so that Germany can finally win something?

Forwards

1.Lionel Messi

     On another planet with Barcelona, it’s time for Lionel to bring on the heat with his national team and blablablabla. All we want is to have our very own “We saw that goal live” saying for our kids, so please Lionel, grill some defenders, score (another) goal with the hand of God and help Argentina lift a desperately needed World Cup once again.

2.Cristiano Ronaldo

     Yes, picking him is easy, yes, he puts too much gel (who hasn't?), yes, he already sees himself embodied in a statue, yes, he won’t make it pass the quarters.

3.Wayne Rooney

     If you didn’t need to look up Rooney on Wikipedia just now, it means you already know. Beware.

4.David Villa

     (I don’t even know why I bother writing sentences for these players) The bets are on, will he finish with more than 6 goals in the tournament (aka the record)?

5.Didier Drogba

     Even with a pending injury (see more later), the Double-Dee still brings nightmares to his opponents the night before the game.

Coaches

1.Diego Armando Maradona

     Let’s put it out there straight away: Maradona is not half as good a coach as he was a player and we are not going to blame him for it (it’s almost impossible). Yet it seems some are just (unfairly) waiting for Argentina to crash at the World Cup in order to submerge El Pibe in criticism and insults. Ugly stuff. And if Argentina do win, no doubt he will take most of the credit and attain yet a further God-like status (is that even thinkable?) even though he might not have had anything to do with his team’s performance.

2.Fabio Capello

     England has always been a poisonous gift to coach: unbelievable player quality, unbelievable hype, unbelievable upsets (thank you media ;)..), unbelievable win?

3.Raymond Domenech

     Probably the most hated coach nationally (and rightfullyso?), Raymond has stood against time and winds as head of France, a Wolrd Cup without Zidane will hopefully be the end of him.

4.Marcello Lippi

     Italy is a traditional country, no doubt, but to take the same coach as four years ago seems a bit of a stretch, unless he wins it again…(please do!)

5.Lambertus Van Merwijk/Radomir Antic

     One has the squad, the other has the spirit. One has Holland, the other Serbia. Both can be big winners in their respective categories: eternal outsider, eternal underdog.

Teams 

1.Spain

     They’re all over the Top Fives: the Spaniards are undeniably and seductively the World Cup’s favourites. It seems hard to find just one team that can rival with Spain this year, either on paper or on the field: from the goalkeeper to the forwards, Spain regroups all that is best nowadays in modern soccer (who else can affort to start with Fabregas on the bench?) and the style of play is just as discouraging for the other pretenders. Buy your jerseys now…

2.Argentina

     The Fourth Official’s Argentina’s starting line up: Andujar – Heinze, Demichelis, Samuel – Mascherano – Messi, Aguero, Higuain, Milito, Di Maria, Tevez. What’s not to love?

3.Holland

     It’s this year biggest-risky-safe bet. It wouldn’t be too soon for the Oranje.

4.England/Brazil

     Either have the potential, none are expected.

5.Serbia

     You understood it, Serbia is TFO’s second (or third?) home country this year.

Should have made any top fives just as well: Marek Hamsik (SVK), Patrice Evra (FRA), Frank Lampard (ANG), Taiwo (NGA), Raphael Van Der Vaart (NED), Cesc Fabregas (SPA), David Silva (SPA), Xabi Alonso (SPA), Carles Puyol (SPA), Sergio Ramos (SPA), Andres Iniesta (SPA) and you can figure out the rest.

Jerseys

As a bonus, here are the most beautiful jerseys to watch out for this year. (Find the sarcasm in past sentence)

1.France Home

     It still leaves me speechless how tremendously ugly that jersey is. Note: the suspenders on the back… hmmm.

2.Chile Home

     If you thought your kid’s team jerseys looked second hand, well, you’ve just found worse.

3.Honduras Home

     See: Chile

4.Slovenia Away

     Nike were obviously not expecting the Slovenes to qualify for the final tournament…

5.North Korea

     Story goes that the high executives of the Astore clothing brand were taken by surprise when they discovered North Korea was going to wear their jerseys during the World Cup…

TFO